11. Transitions = Life in Hard Mode
Those seemingly small transitions like travel or shifts in routine can throw us off completely.
When you're AuDHD, transitions aren't "just logistics" - they're complete nervous system recalibrations that require time and energy others don't expect.
Your ADHD side craves the stimulation and novelty of change. Your Autistic side needs predictability and recovery time. The result? You create more transitions than a purely Autistic person would, while needing more support than others realize.
In This Episode:
Why regular transitions create a unique AuDHD paradox (wanting change while needing stability)
How to recognize your "transition portal" patterns before they derail you
Practical strategies: anchor points, data collection, and nervous system recalibration
The week-before and week-after executive function drain most people don't see
Simple ways to honor your transition needs without shame
Connect With Me:
THE TRANSITION PORTAL - WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE
I recorded this episode while literally in what I call "the transition portal" - that recovery space after travel where everything feels harder and you're kind of groggy and tired.
Through years of regular travel between two states, I've become an expert at recognizing these patterns. What I've discovered is that everyday transitions get dismissed way too easily. We push through them or don't give ourselves what we need because we think we shouldn't need it.
But for AuDHD brains, transitions aren't just logistics - they're complete nervous system recalibrations that require time and energy.
The Three-Stage Pattern
Week Before Leaving: Even when everything's under control, there's this undercurrent of anxiety. I’m more tired, have fewer spoons. There's low-level executive function drain happening in the background as I enter the transition portal.
The solution? I cut back on tasks that week - pare down my to-do list to only necessary things, don't add extra commitments, especially social things that drain spoons. I treat it like the harder time it actually is.
During the Transition: My brain is recalibrating to different environments. Even familiar places require mental energy - where did I put things? How do routines work here? All these little adjustments that require spoons to remember and readjust to.
Week After Returning: Getting back to regular routines takes energy. My brain has to remember - okay, these are the days I do this, this is how I make breakfast here versus there. There's resettling that takes time. I tend to feel tired, like it takes longer to get back to that grounded, solid routine place.
For a long time when I was ignoring this pattern, I kept slipping back into burnout or feeling dysregulated all the time.
THE AUDHD TRANSITION PARADOX
Unlike purely autistic folks who might try to minimize transitions to stay nervous-system steady, our ADHD side creates more transitions for us to navigate.
I use my family as examples: my more autistic-forward parent wants nothing to ever change - any transition brings grumbling and dysregulation. My more ADHD-presenting parent wants all the transitions all the time - always needs something on the horizon to look forward to.
As AuDHDers, we've got both sides. I love the stimulation of change and looking forward to things. But sometimes that feels ominous, even when it's positive. I'll think, "That trip I'm excited about is coming up, and I know it's probably gonna throw me off."
So I approach transitions with caution and plan for them. It's part of that AuDHD paradox - we create more transitions in our lives, so we need to know how to navigate them in the healthiest way possible.
WHEN YOUR NEEDS DON'T MATCH EXPECTATIONS
The challenge is that most people don't have the same transition struggles we do. So you need to advocate for yourself and know what you need.
I share examples from when I worked for the state - flying to headquarters for meetings and my boss suggesting I use plane time to review materials. Intellectually it makes sense, but with flight anxiety plus being in transition portal time, forcing myself would mean extra spoon usage and potential burnout later.
Same with post-vacation expectations. There's this assumption you're rested and can jump right back in. But even fun vacations require recovery days because you're re-entering your life through a transition portal.
The shame piece is real - feeling like you shouldn't need recovery time, like this shouldn't be allowed. I didn't consider it okay to give myself what I needed until I started intentional lifestyle design and questioning why things had to be "just the way they are."
The reframe: Transition time is recalibration time. Your nervous system is literally recalibrating. It's not just logistics for us.
REAL EXAMPLE: WHY SMALL TRANSITIONS STILL DYSREGULATE
I share a story about a recent forest van-camping trip for my birthday. Even though we were just returning to a familiar place after a relaxing weekend, I still felt disoriented and tired during what seemed like it should be a "small" transition.
The key insight: I discovered that to truly relax while traveling, I need to stay somewhere for at least an entire day with no driving - otherwise it feels like a series of transitions linked together, which is fun for the ADHD side but chips away at my nervous system regulation.
When I honored what my body was telling me - staying at the van to rest while my partner explored a coffee shop - the relief was immediate. That's recalibration in action.
FIVE PRACTICAL STRATEGIES FOR MANAGING TRANSITIONS
1. Collect Your Data
Start observing your patterns. Are you tired? Sensory-sensitive? Antisocial? Notice what transitions do to you so you can plan accordingly. That data is really helpful.
2. Honor the Transition Portal
This is probably the most important part - giving yourself permission to have what you need. That might mean:
Lightening your plans during transition times
Not making other changes simultaneously
Keeping high-importance tasks away from transition weeks
Just recognizing you're in a portal and adjusting expectations
3. Tell Others You'll Be Less Available
Set expectations about delayed responses. Let yourself off the hook instead of pushing through. Sometimes it takes me two weeks to respond to a friend's audio message during transition times, and that's okay.
4. Find Anchor Points That Transcend Locations
Create elements that stay consistent across different places:
Similar fitness classes in different locations
Comfort TV shows that travel with you
Consistent food items or routines that provide continuity
5. Leverage Familiarity When Possible
Going back to known places reduces cognitive load because you can plan better and know what to expect. This satisfies the autistic need for predictability while still providing ADHD stimulation through environmental change.
THE KEY INSIGHT
Everything stems from first recognizing that transition portals exist. You can't honor something you don't acknowledge. Once you see the pattern, you can collect data, reduce executive function demands, create anchor points, and design support systems.
The goal isn't eliminating transitions - it's making them sustainable for your unique AuDHD brain.