10. I Did Something Big (Or Did I?)
You work toward something meaningful, finally achieve it — but then it’s like it never happened.
The moment passes and you keep moving without it feeling like anything actually happened.
When you're AuDHD, abstract accomplishments struggle to feel "real." Your ADHD side moves past milestones without integrating them. Your Autistic side needs concrete anchors to make invisible achievements visible. The solution isn't bigger celebrations — it's simple physical reminders that make your wins tangible.
In This Episode:
Why digital achievements need physical anchors to feel real for AuDHD brains
Simple celebration rituals that work when traditional parties feel overwhelming
How "achievement deflation" keeps us from integrating our wins into our self-view
Building self-witnessing skills that honor your neurodivergent needs
Physical ways to mark milestones without executive function overwhelm
Connect With Me:
THE HOYA STORY - WHEN MILESTONES NEED ANCHORS
Our 10th episode! Feels like a milestone. It fits perfectly with what we're talking about today.
You know how you can focus on a goal or accomplishment, doing everything you can to get there, but then that point happens and the moment just passes? Then you keep going on in life like nothing happened.
Maybe it's getting your master's degree, becoming a mother, securing that promotion, getting your black belt in karate, or like me, releasing a new podcast into the world.
The Plant That Made It Real
During my podcast release week, I brought home a Hoya. Plants are one of my big special interests, and in my home I only have one really bright window where Hoyas can thrive. I have to control myself not to bring too many home because there won't be ideal spots for them.
So bringing one home was a big deal. I thought I was getting it to celebrate the podcast release, but I realized later that it was actually embodying the milestone.
These physical anchors can be really powerful for abstract achievements. The podcast release was invisible - the Hoya made it tangible. It made that invisible visible. The Hoya essentially made it real for me.
Here's what's happening in our AuDHD brains: The ADHD part moves past milestones without integrating them. It's so easy for us to just keep going. The autistic part struggles with the abstract. As AuDHDers, it can be really helpful to have these concrete markers because our brains can struggle to make invisible accomplishments actually feel real.
WHY ACCOMPLISHMENTS DISAPPEAR
What Happens When They Don't Feel Real
We don't integrate them into our self-view - The accomplishment passes right by and it's almost like you forget it happened
We undersell ourselves and don't hold confidence in our abilities
We don't share our greatness with others, maybe missing opportunities
We live in the paradox of doing meaningful work that feels meaningless - "Did it even happen?"
Achievement Deflation in Action
When I released this podcast, I had done a three-week creative sprint to get there. I'd spent a year creating content for a different podcast with a co-host, but right before release time, things ended. I did a spur-of-the-moment pivot and recognized this solo show was calling to be birthed.
After hitting release week and going straight into maintenance mode - instead of the creative high of designing and creating, suddenly it was just "releasing an episode each week." It was the slow and steady part, which can feel so hard because it's neither urgent nor exciting. It felt anticlimactic. I found myself a little down and deflated.
BUILDING SELF-WITNESSING SKILLS
I specifically didn't do a big launch. I let my email list know, told some friends, did a post on Instagram, but I didn't do a big push, launch party or make it an “event”. As a long-time podcaster, I was unhooking from the standard ways of doing podcasts to find my own sustainable AuDHD way.
Typical party celebrations don't fit for many of us. Maybe they're overstimulating, feel like pressure and executive function demands. My favorite way to celebrate my birthday the last few years has been spa days - being alone, getting massages, hanging out in the sauna quietly.
We can build self-witnessing skills - if typical celebration doesn't fit, what is our way to witness ourselves?
The Ritual Craving
In circles I'm in, it's pretty normal to create rituals around big moments in our lives. I realized I had been so focused on getting to the milestone that I forgot this was a big moment, a birth, something important to me. I was letting it pass right by without acknowledging it.
I was craving ritual around it - meaning-making. But it can be a struggle to actually create a whole ritual, especially alone. Getting other people involved can feel just as hard. For someone who tends to overcomplicate things, simple ways are good.
SIMPLE WAYS TO MAKE ACCOMPLISHMENTS REAL
In the group coaching program I used to lead, I always made the final week about celebration and acknowledgments for ourselves. Self-acknowledgment, self-celebration - what are the shifts we had? What did we accomplish? Anything big or small.
I had my clients write out their inventory of self-acknowledgements. Sometimes, it’s the small things that we don't acknowledge, that we don't see as actual accomplishments – and those can be some of the most important things.
I used to do this at the end of each year too - a debrief with myself for my business, my leadership, how I was showing up in the world. What was I acknowledging myself for from that year? What did I achieve? What were the milestones? How did I shift?
Practical Ideas That Actually Work
Jewelry you wear as a reminder of something
An object you place on your bookshelf or altar
Photo documentation like scrapbooking
Written reflections or journal entries
Simple ceremonies for yourself - lighting a candle, listening to a specific song
MARKING MILESTONES IN "WEIRD" WAYS
My Plant Species List
I keep a running list of all the plant species in my house. Each time I bring a new plant home, I add it to the list. That makes it feel real and it doesn't just get lost. There's something about having it on my list - it's like a special neurodivergent pleasure.
There's the endorphin hit of newness that doesn't just wear off. I can look at my list each time and feel that endorphin hit. It doesn't end up feeling like nothing happened. It's been recorded and I can see it growing. My ADHD and Autistic parts are satisfied and working together.
Home and Seasonal Rituals
I want to mark the milestone of moving into this house by connecting with the domovyk - in Ukrainian folk culture, it's like the house spirit, a representation of the ancestors. The tradition is to welcome them in, give an offering. There have been so many projects that I got pulled right into setting up the house without taking a moment to acknowledge this milestone.
I want to create an altar, an offering so I can feel present to this moment of living here. When I see it there, it's that remembering each time.
It's not too late - even if a milestone already happened, maybe now's the time to find that thing that's going to help you make it real, acknowledge it, put ritual to it. My half sleeve tattoo didn’t happen until several months after I turned 40. Doesn't have to be perfect or a specific way. It can be imperfectly messy.
I also want to put a seasonal altar in my house - changing out elements each season. There's this physical sense of where we are in space and time. If I'm walking by and see grass stalks, it feels like "oh, it's fall."
THE KEY INSIGHT
What's landing for me from this whole conversation is how powerful anchors in the physical world can be for us - even just listening to music or seeing an object or putting something in writing.
Also, with executive function challenges, the need to have simple ideas and low barrier to entry ways to do this. What is the thing that feels doable for you and your brain?
Everything stems from recognizing that accomplishments need to be made real for our brains. You can't integrate what feels invisible. Once you see that pattern, you can create simple physical anchors, build self-witnessing skills, and design celebration rituals that actually work for your neurodivergent needs.
The goal isn't bigger celebrations - it's making achievements tangible enough that they stick.