13. ADHD Wants It, Autism Says No
You get excited about something new—travel, a creative project, spontaneous plans. Your ADHD side is all in.
Then you're completely overwhelmed because you took on too much without building in the recovery time your Autistic side desperately needed.
The question isn't "how do I stop wanting things?" It's "how do I honor both the part that craves stimulation AND the part that needs stability?"
In This Episode:
Why loving something doesn't mean it's sustainable for your nervous system
How to tell when excitement is healthy vs leading to crash-and-burn
Designing for both stimulation AND stability
Finding the right level of stimulation (not too much, not too little - the Goldilocks zone)
Intentional recalibration instead of wild swings between extremes
Connect With Me:
THE EXCITEMENT-OVERWHELM PARADOX
In Episode 11, we talked about craving change while needing stability. Today we're exploring the related pattern: getting excited about something, then overwhelming ourselves by taking on too much.
The bounce pattern: Your ADHD side sees something shiny and goes all-in. Your Autistic side needs recovery time. You swing between chasing impulses and emergency management mode.
When We Swing Too Far
Overwhelm mode: Everything feels like too much. You shut down completely, in survival mode.
Boredom mode: Life feels flat. You throw kindling on the fire—adding multiple new things at once, chasing every spark simultaneously.
WHEN WHAT YOU LOVE OVERWHELMS YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM
Van Travel and International Adventures
I love vanlife and international exploration. And it also easily destabilizes my nervous system.
I'm simultaneously risk-averse AND drawn to adventure. Familiar places feel more grounding, yet I crave exploring new places.
The restaurant example: For the average person, the risk in trying a new dish is "might not like it." For AuDHDers? Weird texture triggering sensory issues. Food making you nauseous. Hyperfixating on having made the "wrong choice." Needing comfort but not getting it.
The International Travel Evolution
The adventure years: First few years my partner and I were together, we went on international trips every 9 months. Backpacking Havasu Falls, canyoneering at Zion, canoeing the Colorado River. My ADHD side thrived.
The crash: Pandemic, burnout, perimenopause, housing instability converged. I lost all capacity for adventure. The lack of stability swung me into emergency management mode.
The rebuilding: After moving into a stable homebase ten months ago, I'm creating stability first. Just recently, finally started feeling excitement for travel again. I'm not going back to the same way I approached travel—I'm rebuilding a sustainable way.
DESIGNING FOR STIMULATION + STABILITY
Van Trip to Coastal Forest: A Working Example
Built-in stability:
Familiar location we return to regularly
Know what to pack, what activities to expect
Van provides portable consistency—same bed, fridge, kitchen setup wherever we go
Layered stimulation:
Visited new craft cider place on the way (novel element)
But within familiar framework (we've been to cideries before)
New within predictable structure
Energy balancing:
My partner: extra walks, staying active (activity = recharging for him)
Me: big chunks of lounge time (video games, creative work), then 2-3 shorter hikes (downtime = recharging for me)
Shared evening routine: dinner together, watch a show
The design: Stimulation (coast, forest, new cider) held within framework of stability and predictability.
SUSTAINABLE INTERNATIONAL TRAVEL STRATEGIES
This is my current work-in-progress for honoring both sides.
What We Both Need
Quiet, peaceful, uncrowded spaces. Solution: Airbnbs in local neighborhoods, away from tourist zones.
Where Our Needs Diverge
My partner: Activity and exploration = energy gain. Could go out all day, every day.
Me: Love exploration too, but need rest breaks. Quiet alone time = energy gain. Can't sustain constant activity.
What I'm Experimenting With
Recovery day sandwich: One full rest day between exploration days.
Rest between activities: Come home between outings, don't chain multiple activities.
Airbnb criteria: Comfy sofa required, cozy atmosphere, quiet location but close enough for easy rest breaks.
Meal balance: Two meals at Airbnb, one meal out per day (reduces decision fatigue, provides structure).
The principle: Build in more rest than seems necessary. Better to over-plan recovery than crash.
HOW TO TELL IF EXCITEMENT IS HEALTHY
The honest answer: It's discernment developed over time through paying attention to patterns.
What to Notice
During excitement phase:
Am I sleeping okay?
Do I have energy for basic tasks?
Does thinking about this feel energizing or anxious?
As you engage:
Is this giving me energy or draining me?
Am I pushing through resistance?
Can I maintain other routines?
After engaging:
How long does recovery take?
Do I feel satisfied or depleted?
Excited to do it again or relieved it's over?
When you see run-down or overwhelm signs: pull back. You don't have to get it right every time—just be tuned in enough to course-correct.
NAVIGATING THE PARADOX
It's Not Always About Balance
Sometimes you'll swing in one direction, and that's okay.
ADHD leads (with Autistic consideration): Following excitement while putting stability elements in place. Example: Planning international trip with recovery days, familiar meals, predictable routines.
Autism leads (with ADHD consideration): Working on stability while building in dopamine hits. Example: Staying home for extended period with small adventures like new restaurants or day trips.
When You've Swung Too Far
Signs you're one-sided: Life feels flat and monotonous (too stable) OR constantly overwhelmed and burned out (too stimulated).
The reset question: Which side needs special attention right now?
When You Can Be Intentional
For ADHD side: How can I add stimulation, novelty, dopamine hits?
For Autistic side: How can I create stability, predictability, clear expectations?
Reflection question: When in the past have I experienced the right level of stimulation? What did life look like then?
THE KEY INSIGHT
We're walking a real balancing act—finding just the right level of stimulation. Feeling excited about life while also feeling stable.
When we know we're in a balancing act, we can give ourselves grace. Recognize cues to adjust. Swing thoughtfully in the other direction without swinging too far.
The goal is intentional recalibration—turning the dials thoughtfully rather than cranking everything all the way to the other side.
Your ADHD side and your Autistic side both deserve to have their needs met.