5. Shy Was Code All Along
That "shy" label you’ve carried from childhood? What if you weren't actually shy - you were just an AuDHD kid whose needs created an impossible internal conflict?
Most advice about childhood shyness misses the AuDHD experience entirely. We weren't simply introverted or socially anxious. We were caught between competing neurological drives - desperately wanting connection while simultaneously needing protection from the very environments where connection happened.
This creates a unique shame spiral. Unlike purely autistic kids who might not read social disapproval as acutely, or purely ADHD kids who can more easily adapt their behavior, AuDHD kids experience hypervigilance about others' reactions while being unable to consistently change what causes those reactions.
The "difficult" label compounds this. When your sensory needs or demand avoidance kicked in, you could see others' frustration clearly but couldn't explain why flexibility felt impossible. Your nervous system said "no" while your people-pleasing brain said "you should."
Recognition is the first step toward self-compassion. Understanding this pattern helps you see that childhood behaviors weren't character flaws - they were adaptive responses to an impossible situation. The shy, "difficult" kid was actually making wise choices with limited options.
In This Episode:
The university office story that reveals what "shy" was really protecting
Why sibling comparisons created decades of "what's wrong with me" shame
What happened when your nervous system screamed "no" but others demanded "yes"
The exhausting years of learning to perform being social
How to finally make peace with the kid caught in an impossible bind